How the work, worked for me
(Written by Kerry for me, but from her perspective: No AI)
I discovered the work of Byron Katie a few years ago though I can't quite remember how. And in 2023 when we were living our nomadic lifestyle, her book (INSERT NAME) came into my hands and I remember being blown away. Over the next two years I would read every single book of hers, watch every video and listen to any podcast I could find.
In August this year I flew to America to meet Byron Katie in person at a retreat she was running and through all my years of personal development and soul searching I have never found anything to have the impact on me that this retreat had.
It continues to move and stretch me as I go deeper with it, my relationship with myself and the divine has miraculously changed - demons (simply a word for misery, suffering and pain) have literally been cast out.
One of the biggest and greatest outcomes has been my relationship with money. Raised with none by two people with poor relationships with money created my own financial struggles. I had a constant sense of worry; this deep rooted concern that I don't - nor ever will have enough, it wasn't;t really about money, it was really about confusion, fear and my not being enough - but I couldn't never quite unblock the well. The Work got me simply to question my thoughts (where worry begins) around finances. I was able to change my thinking completely to a place where our bank balance is exactly the same but my belief around that figure has completely changed. I am able to see that I am indeed a rich man for I have - and always have had - exactly what I need, I have never missed a meal. Of course this is simplified and isn't a straight line or a one time turn around. But after a life time of fear around this subject, and bending over backwards to appear successful to compensate, this has been absolutely life changing.
Another outcome is the relationship I have with my daughters. Behaviours that used to irritate my 'you're not a good enough Dad' wound, no longer do. I am able to accept and love them so much more freely. I don't take things as personally, I don't believe they should be any different to how they are right now. I'm sure you can imagine the impact this has had on them. Now they annoy me in their happiness, but I'll do The Work on that soon...
The Work urges us to accept and even love reality. Which sounds simple, and it is to a degree. But often reality can be really difficult, especially when we really don't like it. When I lost £120,000 12 years ago, I'm not sure how easy it would have been to love that reality. And yet the opportunity was there. I'll never forget calling Kerry who was at the park with our 1 year old to tell her the news and she responded without fear, just asked that I continue to love her. I really do wonder how I would have reacted if that was to happen now.
When it comes to money I am given opportunities all of the time to do 'The Work'. Just this week we had the news that we had an unexpected bill of £2,400, which the council said they would fund. My initial reaction is still one of panic and anger but it dissipates so much quicker now, within minutes and I am able to get to a place of calm and gratitude, but I have to do the work on it. And once I reach that place miracles happen. Not only am I more available for my family, we had a client asking if they can pay 3 months in advance which actually pays a big chunk towards the bill. Isn't life funny. And hard. And amazing...?
I asked Kerry what impact she feels 'The Work' has had on me (Kerry was not keen on the version of me that came home from the Byron Katie retreat in August so this was a brave question!) Her response was: "You are happier more often that you are not. You are calmer and much more peaceful. You are able to see your mistakes quickly and forgive mine. You have made our marriage even better; even stronger; and I haven't had to do a thing."
That last line is so impactful. Me doing my own work changed our marriage for the better without her having to do anything. Kerry isn't keen on 'The Work', she say's even the name puts her off! But her support in me and my enthusiasm for it, is an incredible gift. She maintains a different and important role with reality which certainly brings us a balance. When I'm off in the clouds she can quickly bring me back to reality. But when we're struggling with our thoughts around something, it is The Work of Byron Katie that brings us into utter acceptance and love of whatever the reality is and there is still much work to do.
